Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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