Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
