she woke up with a sticky ear
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
