Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
