kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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