apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize