my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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