I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
