Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
