So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Randomize
