no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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