dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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