she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
