fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
