what day is it and did you see me today?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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