So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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