While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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