omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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