I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
