oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
