dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
