i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Say something about gay babies.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
