The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
