I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
