You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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