I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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