Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Found your dick twin last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
