she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
