remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
