I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
