you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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