I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
