Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
