I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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