I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
