AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
