This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
