hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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