you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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