I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
