yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
