i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
