I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
