he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
