Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
