Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
