**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We need to get me chipped asap
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
