No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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