I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize