a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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