Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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