You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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