Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
