I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
