she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
