If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize