I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
