I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
