Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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