No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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