Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
