I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
