you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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