im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize