i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
